Hack Job

Our family of four lives in a 2 bedroom apartment.

I know, based on my designer duds and well-groomed appearance, one would think we live in a cozy 5 bed/4 bath rambler in the 'burbs. However, we do not.

Now, you may be picturing a few things. Let me clarify. If you are picturing us living in an adorable brownstone with hardwood floors and eclectic, funky furniture...you would be wrong. If you are picturing us living in a newly renovated townhome with a private lawn...you would be wrong. And if you are picturing us living in a crumbling building fit for an episode of Law and Order, you would also (thank goodness) be wrong.

We live in a good ol' boring apartment building with a lovely (shared) front lawn and laundry down the hall.

Again, you may be thinking a few things.

"Are they poor?" Hey, rude. That's none of your business. But since you asked, no we are not.

"Oh, they must be doing one of those social experiments. Or like...trying to reduce their carbon footprint."  Aw, that's nice of you to think highly of us. But no. We are not.

The truth is the G-man and I both went to a private college. Good times. Good, expensive times. Hence, at the moment, we are working toward paying off our debts and living within our means. If you are wondering, that IS as fun as it sounds. So there's some background for you.

We have spent our married life in apartments. And we have never made one totally homey, since we always feel rightatthecusp! of an upgrade. But I have learned to be grateful for what we do have, since we have much to be thankful for and many others would be pleased as punch to have a home of any kind. With that in mind, we may need to make some small changes to make our apartment a home and to be good stewards of what we've been given. And I have been getting a kick out of the suggestions online.

The articles reel me in with the "Make Your Itty Bitty Space Feel Like a Home" titles. I click EVERY. TIME. And then instead of finding ideas, I just have a giggle.

Here's my version of a similar article.

Tip 1: Build a wall from pallets you found in the garbage to give the appearance of more rooms. You will now have a formal dining room in addition to a breakfast nook. Actually, you know what? Just knock out the neighbor's wall and you'll have twice the space.

Tip 2: Triple bunk your beds with your children's beds. This will give you an extra room for a play room. You NEED a playroom. You have children. What made you think you could live in an apartment with small people and their toys? Also note: Keep your playroom pristine or it will begin to look cluttered, darling.

Tip 3: If you don't have built-ins around your TV, build some with some repurposed barn doors. Ignore management's position on large holes in wall and painting. They'll give your deposit back once they see this stunning display.

See also: DIY Crown Molding

Tip 4: Turn your only closet into an office / reading nook. It's SO important to have a "Me Space" not a "We Space."

Tip 5: Ignore the first four tips. You should buy a house. Or build one! With pallets!!! It's smaller than your apartment and doesn't have electricity or plumbing. But you're a homeowner now. Congratulations!